Halloween cynicism from a pre-teen girl

This week I am talking to my class about Halloween. Early in the class today, I ask everyone why we have the holiday of Halloween, hoping to segue into talking about druids and All Hallows Eve. One little girl spoke up:

"You have Halloween because rich men want sell more candy!"

I almost died, but I have to admit that, in a way, she was absolutely right. Her father must be some sort of conspiracy theorist.

Happy Scary Candy Day!

Supporting the "Man",

-Garrett

Meanwhile, in Metropolis...

As promised, today I will be writing about my week-long obligation.

You see, as a middle school teacher here in Busan, I am required to do mandatory training through the Busan Educational Training Centre for EPIK. This would not be so bad if not for the fact that it's always in the afternoons from 2:30-5:30PM. Moreover, I am located about 40 minutes from the meeting point by subway. What this amounts to is me scarfing down lunch in under 15 minutes and running from the school to the subway to make it for training. We then take a bus to "Metropolis Center", wherever the hell that is, to take our course. This also means that my afternoon classes are either shunted to my morning or unaccounted for. This makes me feel a little guilty because I feel like this screws over my co-teachers. Fortunately, I have most of my classes in the morning anyway, so it could be much worse.

Now, during the training we have been getting talks from very experienced teachers and supervisors. Topics include motivating your students, the national curriculum, using teaching materials/resources, etc. I've gotten about 3-4 new ideas for lesson plans from listening to people, which definitely helps! One thing that I've learned that I should consider doing is adding funny .gif files and lolcat-like photos in my stuff to maintain interest. Having said that, I will be modifying my Halloween lesson very soon!

One thing that amazes me about this training is the mentality and behaviour of the teachers here. It's odd that, as much as they complain about inattentive and disruptive students in their classes, they talk over the very people teaching THEM! I mean, I know that it's the end of the day and that none of us really want to be there, but do you really have to act like the very students you gripe about?! Such hypocrisy really makes me wonder how many of them take their jobs seriously!

Anyway, having gotten that rant out of the way, I/we have an announcement: we are joining a "zombie walk" next weekend! Ideas include zombie Ash and Misty (Pokemon) and zombie Abe Lincoln... though we will keep everyone posted on that. Even though the walk is on Nov. 2nd I am just so bleeding excited to be celebrating Halloween here! Also, we got paid today, so that definitely helps us get the materials for the costumes!

So, aside from getting costumes, this weekend we are also planning on getting a Costco membership (that's right... it is spreading like a malignant cancer!) and seeing the Busan Fireworks Festival! Apparently the city spent something to the tune of 1.5 million on fireworks, so this promises to be an amazing show! They are forecasting rain then, but I am optimistic that that will change. We will definitely update after that!

By this time next week, I will have accomplished the following: I will have joined a gym, I will have gotten a haircut, and I will have gotten a phone.

Annyeong hi-gyesoyo,

-Garrett

Koreans and Booze

It's true. Korea is generally a very conservative place.

Certain age-restricted websites that make up the social fabric of American culture are illegal here.
Apparently every shirt I own is a little "low cut" because, while Koreans love miniskirts they wear their shirts up to the neck.
( See sweater dress--->
I'm serious. They wear sweaters over sweaters over sweaters to cover up that stuff).

Hand-holding and general PDA between genders is uncommon (though increasingly common over the past few years).
Public schools (at least my school) actually has a morals class for elementary school students.   Hmm. Surprise.
But that doesn't stop them from getting trashed regularly. This may not include all of the older teachers I've come in contact with, but those young whippersnappers have no limits when it comes to booze.

Our booze story:
It started out at a lovely place near PNU called The Market Place (great place, btw). We were just sharing a pitcher with some friends. Seriously, there was one pitcher, maybe two, in a couple hours. THEN Gangnam Style came on the radio. We all smiled and thought, "hey, this song is inescapable." We glanced over at a group of korean boys, curious to see their reaction to the song. Would they start dancing? Would they be annoyed?
THEY WERE STARING AT US.
WAITING
as if to say, "DO THEY KNOW GANGNAM STYLE?"
We laughed. They laughed. We did the horse riding dance. It was an instant classic bonding moment.
We invited them over.    They ask if we know "Baskin Robins 31," a drinking game we had literally only heard of 48 hours prior.
We play it...and Kai Bai Bo (rock paper scissors). Too bad that when you had to take a "shot," they meant it. In my experience, a "shot" had just been a sip--maybe a big sip if you were serious. They, instead chanted "ONE SHOT ONE SHOT," and expected you to drink an entire mug of beer.   OOoooookay, trying to make the most of our korean bonding experience, we all obliged.

Then came the Aegyo game.
Aegyo is that super cutesy asian crap.


We had to make Aegyo faces or drink.
Luckily our friend bombed before it even got to our end of the table.

We thought we were safe... then they introduced Titanic.
A shot of soju (basically vodka) dropped in a full glass of beer.....ONE SHOT ONE SHOT.
Poor Garrett...He had 4 or 5 of those on top of everything else.
Luckily, we had to catch the subway and parted ways around 11. Even though it was early, Garrett was a wreck. I had to maneuver the subway (drunk) not just by myself, but with a very annoying Garrett going "no, it's that way." "Hey, what's that."

We eventually got home, thank goodness. And we regret nothing!
But dear god, please don't make us play the aegyo game. and if we must drink with koreans, please let them realize that we are not as hardcore as they are.

This is, of course, followed up by the fact that we accidentally got a little drunk tonight.
AGAIN.
We decided to go to this cute restaurant we  had stumbled across yesterday. Very quaint, all homemade stuff--we were excited. Usually we just order something that sounds familiar, or ends in something we know (soup, ramen, blahblahblah). Too bad there was NOTHING that looked familiar. We both picked our random dish and a few minutes later......
Out came a bottle of plum wine.

Uhhh, okay, thanks lady.
Wait a second.
I read the bottle: the name looked familiar.
8$ bottle of dinner.
So we shared my order of noodles, and Garrett's wine. The lady then tells us that it is meant to be shot (big surprise, korea!). I decided to be all traditional and do as I was instructed.
Weell, by the time the lady came out and asked what else we wanted (seeing we barely ordered any food), I just let Garrett do the talking. She then asked if we wanted more wine. We asked for 몰 (water), but were apparently slurring too much for her to understand. I had to write it on a napkin...
We got some water.
Yaaaaayyy. Then we went to the grocery store, and I was still very tipsy.
Dammit, Korea! Stop getting me drunk!  This is ridiculous.

...with apologies to Matt Groening

It's been a while since I last updated and, to be honest, it's been through my own negligence. So, to those of you who have personally sought me out and demanded I update, I have relented!

This is going to be a quick update since I have an obligation very shortly (I'll explain all about it on Thursday, most likely), but I have something amusing to share.

You see, I was flipping through my textbook at school and saw the same-old-same-old... fill-in-the-blank, repeat after me, wooden "dialogues" to rehearse... etc, etc. However, I eventually came across a rather interesting lesson on making requests such as, "Could you please pass the soju?". The content of the lesson looked like this:

So, we have the Green family: a happy, middle-American family. There's Mr. Green, Ms. Green, Bill, and Lisa. I have to say, they are a VERY demanding family! But there's something unusual about this... I can't quite put my finger on it but maybe.....

...they're the frigging SIMPSONS?!

Granted, there have been some changes: Lisa and Marge have had much-needed haircuts and Marge has shoulder coverings because... well... Marge has very sexy shoulders (side note: Koreans find exposed shoulders to be very erotic, so if a woman wears a tanktop she is considered to be loose. Extremely short skirts, however, are clearly virtuous and dignified things to wear).

But even the name "Green Family" is like a parody of "Groening"- the last name of the creator of the Simpsons! At least they didn't name the boy "Bort"... although that would be amazing!

Does anybody remember this episode?!

Well, now I REALLY have to run, but for what it's worth, I thought this was hilarious!

Movies and Mermaids

Greetings from Korea, again!

It's been about a week since I last updated, and a lot has happened since. I can't go into all of the minutia (as much as I'd like to), but suffice it to say I've been quite busy with work and with play.

This week's Word of the Week is "movies". This is because, as Hannah mentioned in a previous post, the Busan International Film Festival (BIFF) was this week. Also, I talked about movies this week with my class in a very successful classroom activity.

The second day of the festival, Hannah and I went on a walk down to Haeundae beach. Sadly, no trace of our beloved hole was found. We did find, however, quite a bit of activity about midway down the beach. We were drawn in by some very mesmerizing skylights.

We discovered, upon out approach, that it was a massive stage surrounded by screaming teenage girls. Upon closer inspection, Hannah detected movement on the stage. We deduced that some of the actors and directors from the movies were there. They had very nice hair. I say this because I could only see their hair above the heads of the smartphone-equipped onlookers.

A couple of pretty ladies on stage that I can only assume are very rich and famous people.

Also, this thing kept scanning the crowd. It even hovered over my head for a good 30 seconds before retreating 50m away down the stage. I kinda wonder if it was an alien spacecraft?

I want to believe!

Hannah aptly compared it to an object from Perfect Dark (for N64)

In any case, we didn't bother seeing anything more. After being followed by "Big Brothers" flying, glowing eye we were a little weirded out. We decided to walk way down to the opposite side of the beach and watched people gut fish instead. We saw some interesting, city-sponsored Engrish along the way.

They USED to enjoy it until you put a frigging stage and mini military drones on it!

So, about a week later, Hannah and I finally decided to go out and see a movie. We originally intended to see "Happiness 2012", a Hong Kong film exploring what it means to be happy in 4 separate scenes, but it was sold out. We opted for a Filipino film called "Kalayaan", which still had seats available. Below is the film description from the BIFF webpage:

Julian, a soldier, is stationed on a deserted island in the Philippine archipelago while in the capital city of Manila a coup d’état ensues. The island is far removed from the chaos of civilization, still boasting a rather a primitive natural habitat. The only things connecting Julian with civilization are his walkie-talkie, radio and TV. As he stands guard on this deserted island, he begins to sense another presence. As the film progresses, Julian begins to lose his grip on what’s real and what’s imagined. When Julian loses touch with his base because of his own confused state, two soldiers are sent to the island to check on him. One of the soldiers tells the story of another once stationed on the island, who in turn spoke of a mermaid that he was in contact with, and how he was later driven to suicide. Adolfo Alix Jr.’s <Kalayaan> tells the story of a man stripped of all the trappings of civilization and his close encounter with nature in a surreal and poetic style.

 Sounds pretty interesting, doesn't it? I mean, it explores mental illness, isolation, and maybe even "oneness with nature". Hannah thought it would be a "snore-gasm", but I was pretty optimistic. Well, in a classic case of misplaced optimism, it would up being pretty tedious... though, I have to admit, they really captured how tedious it must be to be stationed on a remote island for months at a time.

This photo pretty much captures the plot and action in the movie... well, in between rather unnecessarily long scenes where the main character gets off to bad porn and creepy mermaids

But it's not all bad! I mean, there are a couple of scenes where there's a mermaid! But, hmm.... that mermaid really loves giving blow jobs to soldiers stationed in Southeast Asia. This reminds me of something....

Anyone remember this? "Me ruv you rong time!" Like this, but more like a fish.

It doesn't particularly help that the mermaid looked much less like Ariel from The Little Mermaid and more like the Zora princess from Ocarina of Time.

Now make the eyes yellow, add more scales, lose the "wings", and add a tail. Also, she should never smile... EVER. That's what moody Filipino soldiers find irresistible!

So, basically the movie was all about dull tedium, meaty Filipinos looking worried and pensive, and a good amount of sleeping, punctuated with periodic bouts of masturbation and a mermaid giving oral sex. In the end, the soldier died after getting head from the mermaid... must've been a killer blow job! (I am SO funny! I should do standup! :D).

But seriously... what the hell, Philippines?

To conclude, if I go to BIFF again, it will be to see short films.

Thanks for all the well-wishes we've been getting! I'm so happy to hear that we succeed in being funny!

And now, I leave you with a photo of my dear, sweet girlfriend in a Korean skin treatment mask.

The lovechild of an Egyptian mummy and a Mexican wrestler.

Cheers,

-Garrett

What? No pictures? AKA: Random stuff

Well, we have learned a few things in the past few days. Number one, if you're going to eat chicken feet, you need to cut out the bones.
That's right. We sat down at a restaurant, ordered the cheapest familiar thing (familiar only in that it said "dalk," which means chicken) and were rewarded with dalk pal....CHICKEN FEET. Very nutritious, according to both Garrett and my co-teachers. However, when the waitress saw that we weren't using the scissors to cut out the bones, and I, instead, was just going "Oh, god, why are there so many bones...*spit,*" she came over and showed us. But, really, we thought she just cut off the toes. So, we started cutting off the toes (too bad not really much/any of the bones are actually in the toes), so we just kept puttering along very confused thinking "why the hell did she cut off the feet?" It was only when my coteacher explained that we figured it out.    OOOooooh. It all makes sense, now.
 Why is there no picture for this?
We didn't have the camera, alright. How the hell were we suppose to know we'd order feet!

Then, today we went for lunch at a (local? national? no idea) chain restaurant. We had eaten at another location (that had completely different food, by the way) for dinner, no problem. But, this afternoon, immediately after we ordered, the woman responded simply by saying, "pay." I responded, "uuuuuuuuuuhhh." Again, "pay," and eventually Garrett fished out some money and she went on. So, yeah, sometimes you need to pay when you order at sit down places. We thought, maybe we're just sketchy white people, so we had to pay first, but no. Everyone else paid right away, as well. KNOWLEDGE ACQUIRED.

Similarly, most stores have sales associates floating EVERYWHERE. Are you looking at make-up? "ANNYEONG-HASEYO. (Korean, korean, korean, something. Can I help you?)." They hover. THEY HOVER LIKE PROS. You are not expected to look around on your own. Too bad I never know what they're saying, or what to say back. One day, a woman helped me pick out sunglasses. I thanked her and went on my merry way to the cash. Garrett called me back. The sales lady looked a little confused. She motioned to the "20$" sign and made some gestures. Seriously? I'm suppose to pay right here? I'm seriously in the atrium of the store, and there are cash registers right inside---no? I pay right here? Okay. Luckily she wasn't offended or anything. She, instead, handed me a free yellow bandana, as if to say "good try, wayguk." Well, thanks, sales lady. I now where that bandana all the time :)

Oh, yes, my favorite. Something Vicki will probably find funny. The other day, the 3rd graders were learning how to say things like "she is tall," and "he is nice."
Also, it should be noted, our speakers are really crappy. They make a huge fuzzy tick when turned on and off.
So, the recorded dialogue went:
girl: This is my sister.
guy: Wow, your sister is very beautiful. Sheee----(the teacher turned off the speakers)----ttt.
SO, the guy (to my ears) said: Wow, your sister is very beautiful. ShIIIIITTTTT....
I had to try really hard to not laugh.

Also, ENGRISH! (well, more so lost in translation)
T-shirts include:
45 year old wearing a "I PARTY HARD" shirt,
and 8 year-old wearing "I want to make love to you in New York"

wtf????

What is basically prostuting cat cuddles

The other day, I set out on a quest. Garrett wanted to poke around in the same general area, so he inadvertently joined said quest.
We first traveled to Seomyeon, a rather long sit on the subway to begin with.
Next, we wandered around the surprising crowded and disorienting area (oh, we also got trapped in an underground shopping mall. Pretty sweet place if you ignore the OCEANS OF PEOPLE).
Now, the biggest problem with this quest was, I actually had zero directions for finding my destination. I didn't even have a name--just a dream.
We wandered for about an hour then stopped at a cupcake shop (Good Ovening, I believe). I had heard maaarvelous things about this place, but I was a little sad. Cupcakes are very different over here (not anywhere close to as sweet, or strong flavours, from what I can tell). While it was pretty good, and maybe even one of the better ones here, I think I'm just never going to buy cupcakes, here, again.
ANYWAY!
We continued on. Up the street, down random alleys. You know it was a bad situation, because Garrett was feeling all claustrophobic or something from the onslaught of people, which left me in charge. Baaad start to a quest. Finally, as I uttered "I think this is it. I'm out of ideas," and Garrett was about to join in the nay-saying, I stopped.
There was a sign with a cat, and I HAD FOUND THE NAMELESS LOCATIONLESS ONLY SPOKEN OF IN HEARSAY CAT CAFE.

The Red Ribbon Cat Cafe

How great was it? Well,

there were cats. and I got to play with them. I think that's a 10 out of 10. More importantly, these cats were pretty happy. None of them gave off an "I feel exploited by the man," sort of vibe. Best part, we got out some of the toys and had the cats all going APESHIT. I'm pretty sure most people just pet them, and maybe get them to jump a couple times, and decide that's enough exercise.
Me and Garrett are not those people. The cats were so freaking excited.
That's not either of us in the picture, btw.

So, 5$ or so and infinite cat playtime (more or less).  There were even tiny little kittens. An adult cat tried to sniff one, and the kitten just snapped at it. The older cat looked pretty miffed, but wasn't going to hit a baby soo it just kind of wandered off. There was also a black and white cat that just really enjoyed hiding in things. It slept in the corner, its butt sticking out into the hallway most of the time. There was also a weird little series of platforms hanging on the ceiling. Only after about 2 hours did we realize there were cats running around above our heads.

Only kind of rough part, we had gotten so disoriented, and even got lost going back to the subway (stupid underground mall entrance, looks just like the subway entrance) that I didn't get the best directions for it. But this is what I can tell you--




Come out of this exit from the underground mall:

Look for this weird ass piece of art (I'm pretty sure it was to the right). If you find it, turn right, and you'll see a sign on a corner or just inside an alley, with a cat on it, very similar to sign earlier in the post.

Sooo, I feel kind of bad for half-ass directions, but if I can find it based solely on "it's in Seomyeon," you can find it.